52 Weeks of Spam: Winners, Week of June 11

Cell Phone Spam List

Winners, Week of June 11:

(From the kristipetersenschoonover.com Spam Filter)

best digital slr camera

bestdigitalslr.org/ x

I have a 72mm lense. I can capture bokeh but I cannot get a clear image of an object with the bokeh in the background. tips?

What the hell is a bokeh?

Everybody hates Spam—it fills up your Inbox (unless you’ve got G-mail, which does a great job of putting it in an appropriately-labeled folder), clogs your blog (WordPress does a great job filtering, too), and can threaten your computer’s security.

I have to say though, I love my Spam. It cracks me up—it’s poorly spelled, illiterate, and often leaves me wondering who would be dumb enough to click on the link for whatever product/service/lottery winning from mysterious relative in a country you’ve never heard of. So I decided in 2012 I’d go through my Spam each week and pick my favorites to share with the world. I remove the sender and any links that might be damaging (plus, who wants to give them press?).

See you next week! If you get any great Spam, you can post it here, just strip any links and the sender’s e-mail. And be sure to say something in the post to let me know you’re real. Otherwise I might think you’re…well, Spam.

About kristipetersenschoonover

A ghost story writer who still sleeps with the lights on, Kristi Petersen Schoonover’s fiction has appeared in many magazines and anthologies; her traditionally published books include a short story collection, THE SHADOWS BEHIND. She was the recipient of three Norman Mailer Writers Colony Residencies and holds an MFA in Creative Writing from Goddard College. She serves as co-host of the DARK DISCUSSIONS podcast, as founding editor of the dark literary journal 34 ORCHARD, and is a member of both the New England Horror Writers and the Horror Writers Association. Follow her adventures at kristipetersenschoonover.com.

Posted on June 16, 2012, in 52 Weeks of Spam and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Hi Kristi, nice to see your blog! My favorite spam has the subject, “Are you dead or alive?” I will go try to find it and see if it is worth sending. I have saved it after all these years.

    Julie Greene

    • Julie, that sounds EXCELLENT!! Oh man, I hope you find that one. I’d love to see it!

        5th Floor, Annex 3,New Federal Secretariat Complex,
        Shangri Way, Central Area
        Abuja – Nigeria .

        Attention: Beneficiary,

        My name is MR.SOLOMON BANKOLE , I am the personal Secretary to the new Minister of Finance, I am directed to contact you by the Minister to urgently confirm from you if actually you know one Dr. James Baker and Prof. Charles C. Soludo The Former Governor of Central Bank of Nigeria and his Colleagues who claim to be your business associate/partner in Nigeria. The said people are claiming to us that you are dead that they will like to change all your Information to us as bonafide beneficiary. Below is the new banking information where they wish to have this funds transferred to:

        Bank Of America
        6901 Northwest Expressway
        Oklahoma City, Oklahoma 73132
        ABA Routing:
        ACCT No:
        ACCT Name: FMS Investments Inc..

        This development is coming now that the Ministry wants to offset all outstanding payments to all our legal foreign beneficiaries around the world in which your payment file was affected. As you may know, this Ministry have approved amount of $4.2Million Dollars. in your favour. We need to confirm from you if it’s really true that you are dead and If we do not hear from you This automatically means that you are dead as informed by Dr. James Baker.
        You are to contact me through my email address as soon as you receive this message If you are alive as to know the true position of things with you so that we will not make any mistake in remitting your outstanding payment to a wrong person. Your swift response to this mail will help a lot, Do email me with your Full Names, Account Informations, Direct Phone Number for easy communication and Scan Copy of your identity if you are alive.

        Best Regards,

        Kristi, this is verbatim except I took off the account numbers, in case they belong to someone. I don’t know…how do I get more money, being dead or alive? Can you pay off your bills if you’re dead? Should I send this one back, “Recipient deceased”? Maybe this money will pay to send my coffin to Nigeria. Then again, would I have to strip down for security?

      • Oh my God, Julie, this is a winner for sure! I don’t know…how does it feel to be dead? The real question is, if you were dead, would you want to pay your bills? Because if I could still spend money being dead, I’d blow it on lots of cool stuff instead!

      • Like what? Dead body piercings?

      • LOL! Dead tattoos!

      • …you know, to cover up all the rot…

  2. No, actually, I think if I were to get all those body piercings and tattoos, they’d find me before I started rotting. Those things glow in the dark, you know.


    • Why am I thinking there’s some sort of ghost story in there someplace? Haunted body piercings. It’s probably been done, but it’s still a cool idea!

      • Yeah, well, they could do kind of an autopsy via acupuncture, but my acupuncturist says that Chinese medicine works with energy. I don’t think a corpse has that kind of life energy…just story potential.

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