52 Weeks of Spam: Winners, Week of April 9

Winners, Week of April 9:

You knoow whaat you neeed to geet yoour girlfrined to the peeak of pelasure? Heere is the asnwer for you! The waay to meen’s happniess liees thorugh his beed! Geet the maap noow! [scary website address] shall return to my duties and obligations on other, better endowed worlds. She had held that scornful smile, subtly goading Baythan to protest

All those extra vowels! These other, better endowed worlds must beee indeeed amaaziing!

Everybody hates Spam—it fills up your Inbox (unless you’ve got G-mail, which does a great job of putting it in an appropriately-labeled folder), clogs your blog (WordPress does a great job filtering, too), and can threaten your computer’s security.

I have to say though, I love my Spam. It cracks me up—it’s poorly spelled, illiterate, and often leaves me wondering who would be dumb enough to click on the link for whatever product/service/lottery winning from mysterious relative in a country you’ve never heard of. So I decided in 2012 I’d go through my Spam each week and pick my favorites to share with the world. I remove the sender and any links that might be damaging (plus, who wants to give them press?).

See you next week! If you get any great Spam, you can post it here, just strip any links and the sender’s e-mail. And be sure to say something in the post to let me know you’re real. Otherwise I might think you’re…well, Spam.

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About kristipetersenschoonover

A ghost story writer who still sleeps with the lights on, Kristi Petersen Schoonover’s fiction has appeared in countless magazines and anthologies. She has received three Norman Mailer Writers Colony Residencies, is a co-editor for Read Short Fiction, and co-hosts the Dark Discussions Podcast. Her work Skeletons in the Swimmin’ Hole is a collection of ghost stories set in Disney Parks; her horror novel, Bad Apple, was nominated for a Pushcart Prize. She’s also a member of the New England Horror Writers Association. More info: www.kristipetersenschoonover.com

Posted on April 14, 2012, in 52 Weeks of Spam and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. ahahahaha! This one is almost mystical somehow – it starts off as common spam, switches from the male to female PoV, turns into a sci fi novel, and then invokes the gods of a foreign plant. Awesome!

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