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MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

For those of you who haven’t read it, the first story in Skeletons in the Swimmin’ Hole, “Doing Blue”, takes place on Christmas Eve and opens at a costume party thrown by a guy who’s convinced he’s Jesus.

Shortly after reading the book, my friend Kristina Hals Strobel dropped me a note on Facebook.

“I had the oddest ‘Doing Blue’ moment last night. Yes it had Jesus in it, it had costumes, it had a pilgrimage. It was 1 a.m. and the Goth Ball had just let out. There we were, standing on the sidewalk, with Jesus who was expounding on faith with a flask hidden in his Bible. My husband, in cassock and collar, was bowing to him, Goth girls behind him listening and giggling. He was very convinced he spoke the truth and that all should be listening to him. But, there was a nonbeliever who was stealing his thunder. Speaking of science, blood and the universe, and the realization that chaos is organized. We left for home, the rest left for Denny’s.”

I thought she was dreaming and wrote, “…your dream sounds kinda creepy.”

She responded, “Dude, that wasn’t a dream! That actually happened on Friday night!” and posted the following picture:

Is “Doing Blue” not fiction after all?

From our house to yours, Merry Christmas, and may all your dreams come true!

 

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SKELETONS MAKES GIFT GUIDES

It’s been fun to see Skeletons pop up on a couple of recommended Holiday Gift Lists! Terry Konig of the Facebook group Paranormal Eh? put it on the list of “Great Paranormal Books for Christmas” alongside Steven A. LaChance’s Crazy and Scott Sigler’s Ancestor. You don’t have to join the group to see this and his other great content, so be sure to check it out here: http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=112364522135317&topic=795

It also made its debut on Bargain Mom’s list, which features fun products from pajamas to tequila. Cool! www.bargainmom.net

ODE TO MY OMRON: FIVE TIPS FOR MAKING YOUR SMALL ELECTRONICS LAST LONGER

In the early 1970s, my parents owned an Omron 88 Goldenrod-colored calculator. We kids were never allowed to touch it. It was kept in its black case and stowed in the bill box on a high shelf, and its appearance once a month was ominous: it was imperative that our parents were not disturbed, because they were “paying the bills” and this was “very important” and “don’t bother us unless someone is mortally wounded.” The calculator was not only as esteemed as a relic, it was a symbol of the seriousness of adulthood.

 

My parents' sacred calculator.

 

Over the years, although the bill box changed, the calculator, its black case, and its place on the high shelf did not. My father used that calculator to pay his bills up until he was hospitalized in 2007.

We didn’t finish cleaning out Dad’s house until 2009. I found the bill box—and the calculator. I still felt I wasn’t really allowed to touch it, like it was some sacred thing, but I slipped it out of its case and flipped the “ON” switch. To my thrill, it still worked, although I didn’t expect it not to. It was clean, the buttons didn’t stick, and there wasn’t a scratch on the screen or the casing.

It now sits in my bill basket, and I use it on a regular basis. It’s probably around forty years old and it works like I bought it yesterday.

 

The Omron in its original case. The case is in mint condition.

 

The story of the Omron 88 is not unusual for me. My 2002 digital camera still works and is in mint condition; my 2005 cell phone I only recently replaced (last week) because no one makes the batteries for it (and that was all that was wrong with it, the battery stopped taking a charge); I still use one of the very first MP3 players ever put on the market on a daily basis. I spend less money and have fewer hassles than most people I know because my stuff lasts.

 

My cell phone, purchased Thanksgiving Weekend, 2005.

 

 

My old camera, which still works just fine, although its batteries run down much more frequently than they should. Charles bought this in, I think, 2002. Might have been earlier.

 

 

See? My old camera case took the brunt of the abuse. Stop laughing at it. It's the reason I still have the camera today!

 

While it can be argued that small electronics aren’t made as well as they were even just a few years ago, that doesn’t mean they can’t still last a long time. And why wouldn’t you want them to? It’s not only green (less waste), but saves you green (you’re not spending money unless you absolutely have to). So here are my five tips for making your small electronics last longer.

Buy high. When shopping for a camera, cell phone, MP3 player, or what have you, do your research! Treat that two hundred dollar camera as though it were a thousand-dollar wide-screen TV. Get Consumer Reports. Talk to people who own the models you’re interested in, and read product reviews. Then buy the highest quality you can afford. I’ve convinced part of the reason my cell phone lasted so long was because I bought the highest quality phone on the market at the time.

Think simple. The more complex a thing is, the more likely it is to break (compare the molecular structure of crystal to that of glass, for example). Before you purchase, say, a cell phone, ask yourself what you really need: do you really need all those bells and whistles? What functions are you going to die without? Try to get a model that has only the functions you deem absolutely necessary. When purchasing something new, think as simply as you can.

It’s in the bag. Get some type of protective case for your small electronic, even if all you can find is a change purse, cosmetic bag, or tobacco pouch. A case will deter breakage if dropped, prevent water damage from the occasional rain-drop, and minimize scratching or other damage.

Give it a home. Find a “home” for your small electronic and its accessories when you’re not using it, preferably in a drawer or some other place that’s out of harm’s way. Keeping it in one place not only ensures that you’ll always be able to find it, but automatically prevents accidents.

Keep it clean. Clean your small electronic on a regular basis according to manufacturer’s instructions. Keeping it as free of dust, dirt, and sticky stuff as possible keeps things from gumming up the works.

Back to the Omron. I knew it was from the 1970s, but wasn’t quite sure what year, and wanted to find out. I did some research and came across an excellent, extensive online calculator database[1], but my model wasn’t pictured anywhere. I tracked down the name of the gentleman who runs the site, Emil Dudek of the UK, and sent him an e-mail with a photograph of my beloved Omron 88 attached, not really expecting to get an answer for quite a while.

I got a response just four days later, and was thrilled with how he closed out his informative e-mail (he believes the model does, indeed, date back to around 1975 or so): “Do not throw away” – you have a model that looks like it is quite rare.[2]

Don’t worry, Emil. I have no intention of throwing it away.

In fact, it’s a pretty good bet the damn thing is going to outlive me.

 

Here's the photo Emil included in his message.

 


[1] The site is called Vintage Technology. You can find it at http://www.vintage-technology.info

[2] Emil Dudek, e-mail message to author, October 3, 2010.

“BRIDGING CHRISTMAS” CHOSEN FOR REPRINT IN CHRISTMAS FEARS ANTHOLOGY

I just love a creepy Christmas (well, let’s face it, that’s when I get most of my horror entertainment for the year as gifts)! My short story “Bridging Christmas,” which served as my 2008 Christmas Card as a chapbook and took 3rd place in Toasted Cheese’s Dead of Winter Contest 2008, was selected for reprint in Static Movement’s Christmas Fears anthology.

HOWEVER, THE MOST EXCITING NEWS: Daniel Pearlman, a speculative fiction writer whom I’ve long admired, will also have a story featured in the same anthology. The piece he submitted hasn’t seen the light of day since 1985, and I don’t know what the title is, but I’m sure it’s going to be a great Stocking Stuffer. If you love spec-fic and haven’t gotten the chance to read any of his work, you’re missing out…you can check out his books here:

THE BEST-KNOWN MAN IN THE WORLD AND OTHER MISFITS: http://amzn.to/d13T9n

THE FINAL DREAM AND OTHER FICTIONS: http://amzn.to/9qgq6v

BLACK FLAMES: http://amzn.to/dbvXRm

MEMINI: http://amzn.to/8Z7dKH

JINGLE SHELLS JANGLES FULL OF CROW!

Now that Halloween’s over it’s time to look forward to the Holidays…and Christmas can be creepy too! My short story “Jingle Shells” is now available at Full of Crow Fiction Quarterly. Head here to enjoy!

http://fullofcrow.com/fiction/2010/10/schoonover

“JINGLE SHELLS” TO JANGLE FULL OF CROW’S OCTOBER ISSUE

I’m pleased to announce that Full of Crow’s  editor Paul Corman-Roberts noted that “Jingle Shells” was “the perfect ghost story for us to run for Full of Crow Fiction’s October Issue!”

The story centers on a washed-up Adirondack amusement park Santa who’s out of a job. So put a little creep in your impending Christmas…check out “Jingle Shells” in Full of Crow Fiction Quarterly in October.

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